Words of Wisdom

Elder Boyd K. Packer-

A few years ago I indulged on one occasion in some introspection and found there were reasons why I didn't like myself very well. Foremost among them was the fact that I was suspicious of some I met. I had in mind this thought: "What's his angle? What's he gonna try to do?" This came about because I had been badly used by someone I trusted. Cynicism and bitterness were growing within. I determined to change and made a decision that I would trust everyone. I have tried to follow that rule since. If someone is not worthy of trust, it is his responsibility to show it-not mine to find out... As I begin a new relationship...it is on the basis of confidence and trust. I have been much happier since. Of course, there have been times when I have been disappointed, and a few times I have been badly used. I do not care about that. Who I am I not to be so misused or abused? Why should I be above that? Of that is the price of extending trust to everyone, I am glad to pay it.


There have been many who have asked if we think Braden's mother planned not to place him the whole time. The reason for not placing came out of left field. We (like just about everyone) are shocked we are not celebrating a new family member. My friend Christine read this quote to me. I am desperate for answers. I need gospel insight. It is hard to swallow it was not meant to be. There HAS to be purpose behind the pain. I have to know the Lord knows best and he has a plan for us and this was not part of the plan. I am so unpredictable right now. One minute I am at peace. Then next minute I am crying pleading with Heavenly Father to make this right. The next minute I am angry. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS WAS NOT PLANNED BY BRADENS MOM. I have to believe she is a mother who simply could not say goodbye to her son. Even though I feel she handled the whole situation harshly I believe it was the only way she knew. I have to look at myself and say "Darla, who are you? Are you a bitter unkind non trusting person?" Right now I feel I am. But I know that is not who I am and not who I will continue to be. We have been commanded not to judge. To love one another. Though there are hours and sometimes minutes I feel so angry at her, I will continue to fight those feelings and love her. I am a child of God and so is Braden's Mother. God does not love me anymore than he loves her. She will never truly understand my pain but I have to pray to forgive her for my sake. Good never comes from being angry. This is all very raw and I cannot even hold a regular conversation right now about regular life but time will go on. I will never forget Braden and I will ALWAYS feel like I lost a son but there will be a day that I will not cry and then there will be a week and then there will be a month. I must trust. I am so thankful to know while I weep my Father in Heaven does the same. I know he loves me. I still may ask why? Deep down I know he knows what is best and what is to come.