Conversation with Aubree before tucking her into bed

Aubree: "Mom what did you play with when you were my age"
Me: "Doll's I loved my cabbage patch kids"
Aubree: "Dolls?!?!?"
Me: "6 years old is not too old to play with doll's Aubree"
Aubree: "oh, I just feel like I am a teenager already!"

She scares me sometimes ;-)

Fall Ball!

Fall ball is here! Aubree and Luke are on the same team. Luke leaves the field in the middle of the game cause he feels like eating. He is like me... he loves the food at the ball park! Ryan ran onto the field in the middle of the game. I had to chase after him. I took a picture of him running on the field after the game. Aubree is getting better and better all the time. She's making Dad PROUD!

Sarah Rocks!

Every time my hair is freshly cut a lot of people ask who cuts my hair. Her name is Sarah she is at Ulta and she is awesome. I love my hair every single time she cuts it! Please excuse my fake smile ;-)

Relaxing on the front porch.

This is one of Ryan's favorite things to do. Relax on the front porch! If a person comes to the door he runs out as fast as he can to get to the rocking chairs.

It was going to be a really cute picture but Luke refused to cooperate. Yes, he is in his underwear. His new name is "The Dribbler" he keeps having accidents in his pants. He alone gives me a load of laundry a day. Good thing he's cute! ;-)

Aubree is such a good big sister. She really loves little Ryan.

Luke took my camera! Don't you love the chocolate face?

Our Saturday

We had a very busy Saturday. Two birthday parties and baseball practice. Aubree had a party to go to first so Ryan and I dropped her off and spent a few hours alone while Jamie took Luke to see a movie. Aubree and Luke both had baseball practice so Ryan and I watched and ate junk food. We then headed home for our neighbors party. We have the best neighbors!

Luke thinks he can swim!

Waffle (neighbors dog) cooling down!

Me and my honey

Me and Tina

Best Friends!

We are dorks!

Aubree using my camera

Hey Little Girly With Your Hair Kinda Curly

I had to beg Aubree to let me put rollers in her hair last night. She does not like it curly she likes it wavy. She ended up liking it the next morning.

This might make you giggle

Luke has said two cute/funny things the past few days that I need to document.

1. As going through the drive through at Mc Donalds- Me:"Luke do you want chicken or a burger?" Luke: "a crabby patty" Me to the attendant: "We would like a cheeseburger happy meal" interrupted by Luke: "NOOOOO CRABBY PATTY" Me: "I am sorry I mean a crabby patty" Attendant:"Huh?" Me: "you know a burger" Attendant: "Okay" (laughing in the background). We get to the window and the attendant says "mam, your son just made every ones day"

2. As I was listening to my IPod I started singing. I always sound good when my IPod is in my ears because I cant hear myself. Luke walks up to me and says "Mom, I wub you" I say "oh I love you too!" He then says "Mom, your my best friend" I say "oh Luke you are my best friend" He then says "Mom, I don't like you sing" Well- at least he tried to lift me up before slamming me :-)

Luke cracks us up all the time. Maybe just because he is ours but I wanted to post this so I would not forget it!

Where Can I Turn for Peace

This last week really flipped our little world around. When everything was happening last week Jamie and I just wanted to go home. We wanted to be with Aubree, Luke and Ryan and just be in our own home. There has been a lot of time to think about life. To think about what we could have done different the last 5 months. When we were still in Indiana as I cried the hymn came to mind "Where Can I Turn for Peace" I told my friend about it and she printed the song for me. I love reading the words to that hymn. It is one of my new favorites now. There have been so many wonderful friends with great insight. Jamie got advise. The advise was we have a open wound right now. NOW is the most important time for us. Do we fill it with bitterness and anger or do we fill it with learning, growing, forgiving and other good things. Once that wound closes that is what we are left with. We choose to grow from this. After this entry I am really going to try hard not to not write anything else about this. Yesterday was a good day for me. I felt love and peace. In the evening I struggled. I am so thankful that our home is a safe place for us. I am thankful that there is peace in our home. A lot of family and friends have cried with us and for us. Thank you so much for loving our family. We really do feel the love. Thank you for all the prayers and kind thoughts. We will get through this and good will come of it. We still feel loss and still feel like a little one is missing but the Lord is in control and right now I have promised him I am on autopilot! I have faith he will lead us to good places!

Luke's first day of school

Luke started school today. He was so excited to see his teacher. He is such a cutie!

Words of Wisdom

Elder Boyd K. Packer-

A few years ago I indulged on one occasion in some introspection and found there were reasons why I didn't like myself very well. Foremost among them was the fact that I was suspicious of some I met. I had in mind this thought: "What's his angle? What's he gonna try to do?" This came about because I had been badly used by someone I trusted. Cynicism and bitterness were growing within. I determined to change and made a decision that I would trust everyone. I have tried to follow that rule since. If someone is not worthy of trust, it is his responsibility to show it-not mine to find out... As I begin a new relationship...it is on the basis of confidence and trust. I have been much happier since. Of course, there have been times when I have been disappointed, and a few times I have been badly used. I do not care about that. Who I am I not to be so misused or abused? Why should I be above that? Of that is the price of extending trust to everyone, I am glad to pay it.


There have been many who have asked if we think Braden's mother planned not to place him the whole time. The reason for not placing came out of left field. We (like just about everyone) are shocked we are not celebrating a new family member. My friend Christine read this quote to me. I am desperate for answers. I need gospel insight. It is hard to swallow it was not meant to be. There HAS to be purpose behind the pain. I have to know the Lord knows best and he has a plan for us and this was not part of the plan. I am so unpredictable right now. One minute I am at peace. Then next minute I am crying pleading with Heavenly Father to make this right. The next minute I am angry. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS WAS NOT PLANNED BY BRADENS MOM. I have to believe she is a mother who simply could not say goodbye to her son. Even though I feel she handled the whole situation harshly I believe it was the only way she knew. I have to look at myself and say "Darla, who are you? Are you a bitter unkind non trusting person?" Right now I feel I am. But I know that is not who I am and not who I will continue to be. We have been commanded not to judge. To love one another. Though there are hours and sometimes minutes I feel so angry at her, I will continue to fight those feelings and love her. I am a child of God and so is Braden's Mother. God does not love me anymore than he loves her. She will never truly understand my pain but I have to pray to forgive her for my sake. Good never comes from being angry. This is all very raw and I cannot even hold a regular conversation right now about regular life but time will go on. I will never forget Braden and I will ALWAYS feel like I lost a son but there will be a day that I will not cry and then there will be a week and then there will be a month. I must trust. I am so thankful to know while I weep my Father in Heaven does the same. I know he loves me. I still may ask why? Deep down I know he knows what is best and what is to come.

Aubree's 1st Day of School

I have a very hard time when the kids start school. I miss them so much during the day and I worry about them. Are they making any friends? Are they happy? Is there a bully in the class? You don't have to tell me... I know I am overprotective. I work really hard at being cool calm and collected. The tears already started so I took a deep breath and worked really hard at not letting a tear drop on my cheek. If they did I may have lost it and embarrassed Aubree for life. Aubree on the other hand was sooo EXCITED to go back to school. She woke us up at 5 am jumping up and down. She then got dressed and made her own lunch! I double checked her lunch and she did great. I bet this excitement will last a week and then I will have to start dragging her out of bed. I am happy that she was excited and not scared or shy. I bet she will have a great day! Luke starts school Monday! My heart is already pounding thinking about it!

Darla's friends are LITTLE RASCALS!

We got home a little late tonight. Jamie told me to go sit on the side porch swing. I figured the dogs pooped on the side porch and he wanted me to see it. That is something Jamie would tell me to do. Anyway, I got to the porch expecting poop and saw a pac n play with a huge bow and card. The card would not tell me who it was from but I have a pretty good idea of who went in on it. It says not to ask questions. Um right! Like that's gonna happen. Tonight I had a good cry. A grateful cry. Our pac n play of 7 years broke. My sister Deanna bought it for me when we had Aubree. We needed a new pac n play I was planning on buying one this week. I was very moved that I have friends who care. Thank you friends WHOEVER YOU ARE!!!

This is me not being productive

Jamie just came in and told me I am wasting my time. It has been a long day so I just feel the need to blog. "Waste of time" what does he know? Today started out with me cleaning all 4 bathrooms. I then decided we needed to get out of the house so that I would not drive myself crazy waiting for Christina to call. Braden is due in a week and I am going crazy. So I called my friend and we decided to go to the zoo after lunch. Christina called Jamie around noon and told him she was going to the hospital and to keep our phones near and she would call once she new they would keep her and it was real labor. So I ran around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to get all the bags packed. Around 1:30 still no word so Tina and I took the kids to the park and then to McDonalds. During that time I sent a text to Christina and she said she was a 3 and they wanted her to walk to get her contractions stronger. Around 7 I got a text from her telling me they sent her home! She was frustrated. She is in so much pain and just ready to give birth. She is only a week from her due date I don't understand why they did not just keep her. I feel so bad for her. I know how it is at the end of a pregnancy. You are just tired and always in pain!

Today Ryan has been saying "Mommy" to me. It is sweet and refreshing to hear. He usually calls me Dad.

Okay, Jamie is still nagging so I better end this. I love that man...

Our Weekend

Christina asked us if we wanted to come out for a visit before Braden was born. We were happy and excited to see her and her family. Maria hosted a little picnic and we went swimming in her neighborhood pool. It was great to see everyone. Christina and I were able to talk a little bit about the adoption. I care so much for her and am so thankful that she chose us. Braden is due in 1.5 weeks. There are so many emotions. I will keep everyone updated when Braden makes his grand entrance!

4 Years Later...

After much nagging (by me) and sweat (by Jamie) our family room/dining room is finally painted! We have lived in our house for almost 4 years and have just painted it to our liking. This picture does not do the color Justice. Thanks Deb Robertson for helping me with the color!