Now that my blog is private I feel more comfortable being more "real" when blogging. Can I just say this last year has really SUCKED! Putting that to the side it has also been a year that I have learned a lot about myself. When things go bad I want to... run, hide, cry, get bitter, try to see the good, be thankful,get bitter again,take it out on my husband, wonder why, WHY ME, kinda see why, humble myself, fall to my knees again and repent...feel peace! When it comes down to it though, my foundation is my family and the gospel. I am thankful to have both in my life. We just had our update with LDS Family Services. We have been on the adoption path since 2007 so they needed to update some stuff on us. We talked a little about Christina and our failed adoption. Thinking about it still makes me a little ill. When praying for answers (more like pleading for answers). The answer I got was "Be still." I do not sit still well but that is the answer I got. I wanted to add some pictures of Braden just because he is apart well should a say a piece of my life. I carried this little guy in my heart for 5 months and mourned the loss of him. We move on cause we have to but looking back and trying to figure out what was I supposed to learn from this pain... I see know and will continue to see I am to learn more about myself. How strong I can be, how weak I can be, and how important it is to LEARN from trials.I came across this poem today. It touched my soul.This poem was really neat for me to read and I think many can relate to this poem.
Wait
by Russell Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.
