10 Honest Things

My friend Ashly tagged me to write 10 honest things. At the risk of everyone who did not already know I am a freak show here are ten honest things about me for your reading pleasure...

1. I love having a clean mopped floor. It makes me feel better when there are no spots on the floor. I do not like to mop but once it is finished and the floor is shining I feel happy, very happy.

2. I like girls and like having girl friends but I don't like clicks. I have a lot who I consider friends and I only talk to on Sunday at church or if they no longer live here I can go months without talking to them and still feel like they are my good friends. I have been told I have a personality of a cat. I come to you when I feel like being social but don't feel the need to cater to others social needs. Huh?!? Maybe I am like that.

3. I LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS. I know call me crazy but I do. I have been a fan from the beginning. I just really like her music and listen to her when I work out.

4. I don't like to be touched. I get uncomfortable when people touch me. A short hug is fine but don't you dare sit too close or put your arm around me while sitting next to me in relief society. Jamie and my kids are the only ones who don't freak me out when they hold my hand, hug, put their arm around me and so on.

5. I LOVE shoes. You would not know this because Jamie does not let me be who I am and let me spend our life savings on shoes. If I could I would buy a new pair every week.

6. I hate my teeth, knees, butt, lack of breasts and my toes. Enough said.

7. If you are fishing for a compliment and I know you are you might as well move to another pond because I will not give you one.I will not ever compliment unless I really mean it.

8. I am a horrible liar and if I have done something wrong I will tell you shortly after.

9. I want to learn to play tennis. I have no time for myself to learn it at this point in my life.

10. I am a class clown. I love to laugh and hang with other people who love the same.

I tag Mom, Kari, Lindsy and Jen

I lost it

my camera that is! I have no idea where it is. It has slowed down my blogging. Anyway, today Ryan has been calling me Grandma. Do I look like a Grandma?!?! He also call's Jamie, "Jamie".He is one crazy little 2 year old. Last night Luke did not go to sleep until 2 am. Aubree was sick so I had all three kids home today. I have a cold. It was a great day!HA! HA! HA! *Sniffle, sniffle*

9 Years

Us through the years...


February 19th Jamie and I celebrated our 9 year anniversary. We went to lunch with the boys and that night went to a preschool dance with the kids oh and then Rhonda and Ryan (friends who's daughter also goes to Luke's preschool) asked for us to join them at the nasty Mexican restaurant. They thought it was gross too so I can say that. I was still full from our lunch so did not really order a full meal but what I had was gross and everyone else said their meals were also gross. Anyway, our anniversary was not romantic but I was nice. Maybe next year we will make a big deal of it because it will be our 10 year. Oh also, I did not get Jamie a gift... I know so wrong. He got me a card and some robin egg candies. I then asked him to stop buying me cards.... $4.00 for him to sign his name on something... I can live without. Okay so you probably get this was not the anniversary to remember. I am not bitter I promise although this post really sounds bitter. Let me indulge on memories of our wedding day....

We were running late to the Temple. I was stressed out. We walk in and Jamie is sitting there looking pale. We had a small interview with the Temple President and then we walked out and went to our dressing room. As we sat Jamie did not look at me much or talk to me. The guy that was helping us through everything actually told him that he could tell me I looked pretty. Jamie then said "you look nice" He had so many nerves he was literally sick. After we were married he was not pale anymore and he was fine. We had a lunch with the wedding party and family and then headed to the reception hall for pictures. When we got there my Dad took off with my car with my wedding dress inside. I was very annoyed with him and I am sure showed my feelings to everyone. On our way to the hotel Jamie would not talk much because he thought his friends put a tape recorder in the car. It was then I realized I married a freak case!

9 years later... Jamie does not care who hears him expressing his love to me. He is still adored and can't do wrong in my parents eyes. He still get's ill when nervous (he was just called to 2nd counselor in the bishopric when called to come to the stand he was just as pale as our wedding day). I still wear my heart on my sleeve. And I know he puts up with a lot from me. At the end of the day we are a wacky little couple who have been through a lot this past year. I am thankful to say it has brought us closer. He has been a shoulder for me to cry on. He has given a lot of great advise and some stupid man advice as well. He adores his family and I am so thankful to have him in my life!

How could I still have tears over this?

Last Monday at 4pm I received a call from Bradens Grandfather. I have never talked to him before apparently he got my # from Josh (Christina's ex-boyfriend). He informed me that Braden and his older brother are in foster care. Christina lost them in November. He is trying and now has gotten the right to care for the older brother but wants us to take Braden because he feels like we should be his family. He told me the social worker would be in touch in the next few days. I never heard from her. I called him back and we talked more. To make a long story short I just kept calling her until I got her. The Grandfather made it sound like she wanted to work with us. When I talked to her she told me we needed a lawyer. Um... well, we are out if this is gonna be a battle. We do not have the $$ to fight this. I then told her we are home study ready and we have our only have a few hours left to get our foster care licence. It is through our private agency if she and the state would be willing to accept it. She said to fax it in and she will start to see what she can do. The hard part is we are in a different state and are not blood related so it is going to be hard to get this done. I am still not sure if we need a lawyer. She kinda dropped that after I told her about the home study and so on. We talked for about 45 min. I gave her our sob story (in a calm matter) and basically told her She could do what she wanted and I trusted they would do what was best for Braden but that I would always feel like a mother to him. I informed her I had his baby book of his pictures at birth and his ultrasound pictures. She did say at one point that she would have to come to Louisville once a month for him and I asked if she would be willing to do that and she said yes. I did not get the "this is a go" answer I just got the "send in your home study and foster care stuff and I will see what we can do." Yesterday night I started working on submitting all the foster care hours on the spread sheet. We need 24 hours of reading or classes or movies. Jamie and I went to 2 training sessions for 8 hours each but when looking at the class time it was like 3 hours of actual class and the rest was fluff. Ahh! I am so frustrated. I am feeling very, very overwhelmed. This is gonna take a lot of time and then here comes to emotions again. Can I handle it? If this is just another trial couldn't we have been spared? I know if it is meant to be a lot of doors will be open and hearts will be softened. Just a warning if anyone says to me "what is meant to be will be" I might just rip your head off :-) I already know that and reminding me of it will not help :-) I have been struggling with all of our trials. Every week something new not in our favor happens. PLEASE LET THIS BE A BLESSING AND NOT A TRIAL!!! I cannot cry over this anymore, it is not good for me and my family. Last night I finally lost it. Pretty good I think... I held it in for over a week. Please keep us in your prayers! We need it!

Quote of the day...

"I think I can speak dog but I can't really understand it."- Aubree Alford age 7

Going, Going, Gone!

Well, the day has come! My parents are official Missionaries! They will be gone for 2 years serving in the Mexico City Temple. Jamie and I got to visit them as well as my whole family before they left. With my parents and most of my family living in California I do not see them often. My parents usually come to Kentucky to visit us once a year. I did not think I would be so sad but I am! I gonna miss talking to my Mom daily. Here are some fun pictures of my family. 7 of us kids were there and that is rare that we are all together so we got some fun pictures. Also in pictures are my Mom's sister and brother, my niece Asjia that I LOVE so much and my good friend Michelle who was baptised last year.

The Wait

Now that my blog is private I feel more comfortable being more "real" when blogging. Can I just say this last year has really SUCKED! Putting that to the side it has also been a year that I have learned a lot about myself. When things go bad I want to... run, hide, cry, get bitter, try to see the good, be thankful,get bitter again,take it out on my husband, wonder why, WHY ME, kinda see why, humble myself, fall to my knees again and repent...feel peace! When it comes down to it though, my foundation is my family and the gospel. I am thankful to have both in my life. We just had our update with LDS Family Services. We have been on the adoption path since 2007 so they needed to update some stuff on us. We talked a little about Christina and our failed adoption. Thinking about it still makes me a little ill. When praying for answers (more like pleading for answers). The answer I got was "Be still." I do not sit still well but that is the answer I got. I wanted to add some pictures of Braden just because he is apart well should a say a piece of my life. I carried this little guy in my heart for 5 months and mourned the loss of him. We move on cause we have to but looking back and trying to figure out what was I supposed to learn from this pain... I see know and will continue to see I am to learn more about myself. How strong I can be, how weak I can be, and how important it is to LEARN from trials.I came across this poem today. It touched my soul.This poem was really neat for me to read and I think many can relate to this poem.

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.